Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
