dude i'm inner monologue high
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
