So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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