i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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