Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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