a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
