What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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