My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
