I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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