its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
