very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
