someone threw a dead crab at me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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