im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
