my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
