ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize