I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
