Betty ford says i'm here all night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
