I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
