I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
