Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
