She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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