Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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