Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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