Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
