If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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