Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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