and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
