she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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