I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize