Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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