just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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