Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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