a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My cat gives me a boner
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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