Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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