we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just sent this text using only my big toe
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
