Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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