I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
