I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
