And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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