ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
