Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize