the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
