A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
we should paint friendship bongs
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