on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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