dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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