someone owes me an orgasm
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
