I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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