i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
