I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
