I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
