So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize