too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
