Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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