I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Bring me that man meat
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
