a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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