no, he came in my armpit
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Can I color on your dick again?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
