he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
