I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
