the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
