i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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