Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So much rum. So many feels.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
