she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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