I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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