So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
