I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
